Unaviodable
by The Puppy Schwag
Summary: Warmer was having a good life... until Heaven had him and his brother transfered to Daten City to assist two fallen angels.   After meeting them, his life is flipped on it's head in the weirdest ways... M for... intersting parts later. R&R.
1. Chapter 1: Transfers could go better

So, yeah, I said that this would be my main focus, so... here ya go. R&R people, it's part of the _ruuuruuus_.

PaSwG and all other property belongs to Gainax.

Warmer and Neck belong to me.

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><p><em>Louisville; the American city that has become a recent target for the darkness. The shadows stay hidden from public, biding their time until-<em>

"The hell are you doing, Neck?"

"I'm... being a narrator. I'm explaining where we are and-"

"No one cares, bro! Ghost, center of the city, now! Hop in!"

"Oh, right, right. Sorry."

A panel lifted up from the graveyard, letting out a Mustang GT 2011, crashing through the gate and entering the large city in the middle of the river. Driving was a man wearing an expensive looking vest, arms covered in warmers. Odd dress for a city in summer, of all things. His passenger was wearing a fine-cut suit, fidgeting with a necktie.

"So what's the low-down, Warmer?" The one in the suit questioned. Warmer looked at him.

"Ghost. Scaring the shit outa everybody. Kill it. Duh." Warmer shook his head. "Honestly, Neck, think. What are we here to do?"

"Kill Ghosts."

"Exactly." They entered the city, driving way over the speed limit, crashing into pedestrians and hookers alike. Only in Louisville. "These damn idiots are too slow." Warmer gunned it, making Neck hold onto his seat for dear life. "GODDAMNITWARMERITOLDYOUDON'TMESSUPMYDAMNCAR!"

"Shut up. I'm taking a shortcut." Warmer's idea of a shortcut was ramping off the freeway, driving on the sides of buildings, and that sort of thing, so Neck had a reason to still scream at him. Warmer ignored him, however, driving through the entrance to a mall, barreling over whoever was unlucky enough to not pay attention. They exited through the skylight, giving them a view of the center of the city, where a black/red/yellow thing was wreaking havoc. Instead of landing right next to the thing, Warmer had the decency to run right into it and drive it into the ground. As if to add insult to injury, he stood in his seat, looking around and saying, "Where's the Ghost go?"

"Dammit, Warmer, you ran him over." Neck jumped out of the car. "When will you learn that my car CAN'T banish Ghosts?"

"Well, it'd better start." Warmer snapped, climbing out and moving the car with his own bare hands. The Ghost in question shot up when it was free, growling at Warmer. "Ooooh, scary. Growling. Bet your mama's _real _proud." It kept growling. "Well, whatever. You've caused enough trouble." Warmer took off one of his arm-band-things, which were starting to glow. In all honesty, they weren't normal arm-band-things... _warmers_, as Neck had instructed him to call them, at all. They transformed, but not in the girly-magical-sparkly-transform way, more like the instant-anti-tormented-soul-weapon-of-awesomeness way. Either way, it formed itself into a long, curved sword, shining with a heavenly aura. Neck sighed.

"You forgot the incantation."

"I literally did." Warmer laughed. "I never said it, anyway." Neck sighed again, preparing to remove his tie. When he did, a halo appeared above his head, along with seven strands of holy light from his back.

_**O, tormented soul,**_

_**forced to wander the Earth in despair**_

_**be freed by the garb of the holy Savior,**_

_**cleansed of worldly sins,**_

_**and finally reach worldly peace.**_

As he finished, his tie formed into a large pistol, which obviously wasn't compensating for anything at all. He looked to where the Ghost was to see Warmer collecting the Heavens the Ghost left.

"WHAT THE FLYING HELL?"

"You took too long, bro." Warmer laughed. "That's why I don't do the incantation. That and I don't give a flying fuck." He started to walk away, serving to only piss off Neck even more.

"THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?"

"Up Above concert. I was formally invited to perform with them." Warmer waved. "See ya in five hours or so."

_**About six hours later...**_

Warmer burst through the church's front door. "THAT WAS AWESOME! When I got up, I was swamped with hot girls, and then at the end, they were all goin' wild and-"

"Glad you had a good time." Neck called from the couch, playing Tour of Valor online. "Hook up with any of 'em?"

"Nope." He took a seat next to Neck. "Still a virgin, as always."

"Indeed. That was the first mission we've had in a while."

"Yeah... God's been pretty lenient."

"Yep. Hey, you think we'll ever be free of this city."

"Maybe. With enough Heavens, we will." Just then, lighting struck their Heaven mailbox, almost frying the Xbox. It spat out the common slip of paper God used to communicate. 'Cause, you know, just talking takes too much fucking energy for a God. Warmer took the liberty to read it;

TRANSFER

"Transfer? The hell does tha-" Warmer was suddenly sucked into a large halo above him, along with Neck.

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><p>"Listen, hoes, there will be two new angels coming to assist you!" Garterbelt said to the two girls sitting on a pink couch in the church. "They will be here any minute." The blonde one spoke up.<p>

"How many are coming, afro-priest?"

"Two, and they're brothers." It was the goth's turn to ask a question.

"So why are they being sent here? We've got this covered." She whined.

"Because, Stocking, you two have done nothing but FUCK AROUND!" Garter slammed his fist on the altar. "YOU HAVE NEGLECTED YOUR DUTIES AS ANGELS! ESPECIALLY YOU, PANTY!" He pointed at the blonde one. "ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS LITERALLY FUCK AROUND! Heaven is angry, and is sending two angels to assist you. Understand?" Panty sighed irritably.

"Yeah, yeah, when will they get here?" Two figures appeared out of nowhere, both slamming into Panty and Stocking respectively. Garter laughed.

"Right about now." Warmer was the first to get up, pushing himself off of Panty. He apologized, then turned to Garter.

"Where the hell are we, Afro-priest?"

"My name is Garterbelt." Neck pushed himself off of Stocking, joining his brother in questioning.

"Why the hell were we sent here?"

"To assist those two poor excuses for angels." He pointed to their cushions, which responded with two middle fingers. Warmer laughed.

"I see... Allow me to introduce myself." Warmer bowed low. "My name is Kurisu Hanbukama, but just settle with Warmer. It's easier to pronounce."

"My name's harder to pronounce than his, so just call me Necktie... or Neck." Stocking nodded politely, while Panty just stared at Warmer.

"... There something on my face or something?" Panty ignored him, so Garter spoke up.

"She is most likely annoyed at you for using her as a landing pad. Her name is Panty, and that is her sister, Stocking." He pointed to the both of them in turn. "You will be assisting those two in finishing their task of collecting Heavens." Warmer gave him a skeptical look, but said nothing. Neck turned to the sisters. "So where to, girls?"

"We were going to head out to the high school, being queens and all." Panty murmured. "You two can come alon... Where'd your brother go?" He heard the rumbling of a motorcycle and sighed.

"They teleported Backfire here. Where's the garage?"

Of course, they found Warmer inspecting a black-and-red motorcycle quite closely. He looked up when he heard them. "Hey, check it. They teleported my baby here!" He jumped on and started revving the engine. "I would've gotten lonely without it." Panty stared at him for a moment, then smiled mischievously, walking to a pink Hummer to Warmer's right. She jumped in, followed by Stocking and Neck.

"Seriously, man, what the hell?" Warmer gave Neck a nasty look. "Why not hop on?"

"I don't wanna die, that's why."

"Whatever. Hey, Panty, race. First to get to the school. See ya." Without warning, he kicked the stand up and shot through the tunnel, whooping like a maniac.

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><p>YepYes, Warmer is somewhat crazy, and I took the time to deviate from Gainax tradition and give him a legit name. I took two Japanese kanji and mashed 'em together for his last name, which, if separated... ah, I'll let you figure that out.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: One way to make an entrance

A huge thank you to the person (ONE PERSON) that reviewed this story. ;3 Much love.

Anyway, continuing from where things went down! Cheers

Mercury

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><p>A right here, a left there, an idiot to run over in front of him. A normal drive for Warmer, just this time in Daten City. And damn, did these idiots love to drive in front of him. Granted, he never payed attention to the speed limit, but still. With that reasoning, he thought, they couldn't complain when they were shoved to the side, sent sky-high, got their car totaled, and the likes.<p>

Warmer chuckled to himself, already imagining all the fun he'll have here. Ahead, he spied a reflective truck surface he could use to boost his ego a bit, so he drove right up next to it, admiring his odd skin tone; it was grayish-black, though how he hasn't worked out yet, and his boss won't tell him. _Oh, well, _Warmer thought. _It adds to my charm, or lack thereof. _

Warmer revved the bike again, shooting past and breaking the sound barrier AND the truck. Warmer laughed, turning around to survey the chaos. Never did the rules say he couldn't break shit. Hell, there weren't any rules.

Amid the smoke, he spotted something pink. Next thing he knew, Panty was right next to him.

"Starting without a countdown? That's rude, Ashy." Panty called over the screaming and the wind.

"Where'd that pet name come from?" Warmer called back. "I don't remember agreeing to it!"

"Your skin tone, Ashy!"

"Oh, fuck off, that's racist!" Warmer gunned it, ramping off the freeway in one of his patented shortcuts he learned off of Burnoff. He was pretty good at the game, really.

He only crashed, say, twenty times in five minutes doing the same thing he did now.

With that, he landed on the top of some arcade, wrecking the A.C and accidentally cutting off the power. Below him, he had a view of See-Through barreling through traffic on the road, sending cars everywhere. Warmer ramped off of the arcade, crashing through the side of the office building right next to it. He came out the other side with a pair of panties in his face. _Charming, _Warmer thought, tossing them aside and landing next to See-Through.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Stocking called out. "I know why your brother didn't want to ride with you now!"

"He's just a wuss!" Warmer laughed, flicking off Neck, who was holding on for dear afterlife. Panty was standing up in her seat, removing her panties with a flourish. "Hey, can you bend over a bit? Give Neck a view!"

And that she did, even shaking it a little, causing the world's largest one-man nosebleed, much to Warmer's amusement. As he watched, the panties formed a pistol, confusing Warmer to no end. _This girl turns her underwear into a weapon? She's a slut, I can just tell. _With a wink, Panty shot a gas tanker innocently driving ahead of them.

"Let's see you get out of this, Ashy!" Panty gunned See-Through, causing Warmer to do the same with Backfire. The now flaming deathtrap of a tanker loomed over them like the fires of Hell, rolling and crashing in their direction.

"Any hints, Stocking?" Warmer yelled over the noise.

"I don't fucking know, just don't die!" Stocking called back. _Vegas odds of that happening; slim to fuckin' none! _Warmer laughed like a maniac as Panty shot past him, using the cab to ramp above the wreckage. _Fuck, that girl's crafty. _Warmer couldn't use the same route, since See-Through took the top of the cab off. Only one way to go... Warmer gunned it again, hoping to time it right when the truck bounced again. He saw it bounce barely two feet in front of him, and he angled himself so that he was nearly parallel to the road, sparks flying as he slid under the flaming truck, then quickly righted the bike and ramped off of the ramp of a trailer, landing next to See-Through. Panty whistled in approval.

"Ashy got skill, speed, and technique. Just my type..." Panty growled and smiled mischievously.

"REALLY, Panty? Of all things to relate those to?" Stocking shook her head disapprovingly. Panty just laughed, then turned her attention to the road. They were coming up on a very, very crowded tunnel, thousands of cars bunched together into three lanes. Panty groaned, starting to slow down. Warmer, on the other hand, saw the chance and took it. He gunned Backfire again, jumping the bike onto the roof of the first car he came up to. He kept this up, laughing as the adrenaline kept pumping faster and faster, then he heard something above him. _Oh, don't fuckin' tell me... _

He looked up above him, seeing Panty's smiling face hanging from the ceiling of the tunnel. Thinking quickly, he ramped off the next car, angling himself towards the wall. He hit it perfectly, driving right up the side and onto the ceiling.

_Fuck the laws of physics, I will have my fun even if it means insulting Newton! _

Warmer pulled up right next to See-Through, laughing right in Panty's face, then gunned it out of there, flipping around to land evenly on the asphalt. Over the horizon, he spied a large building he recognized as a high school, and took another one of his shortcuts through the city park, wrecking the fountain in the center and showering all the girls that were unlucky enough to wear white shirts that day.

Heaven for all the guys that were in the park with them, though.

Exiting the park in his usual destructive fashion, he spied the high school about two miles away, smelling victory like a boss... then saw a pink Hummer crash into the side. _Damn, so close, too... _He was so busy wondering how they got there before him, he didn't notice the black limo parked on the curb until he was about to run into it.

"Oh, fuck me sideways." Warmer shot off before colliding with the limo, sending him flying straight for a large window with a figure standing right behind it.

_Okay... _Warmer thought. _I'm flying towards a large glass window with someone who doesn't have a damn clue what's going on about to be nailed by me. What did Neck tell me to do in this situation? _

He didn't have time to remember as he crashed through the glass, trucking the figure behind it full-force. The two landed one-on-top-of-the-other-in-a-suggestive-fashion style, with the unknown one on top. Had Warmer known who it was, he would've ran like hell, but he was busy regaining whatever functionality he had a few minutes ago.

"Ow... I remember now..." He mumbled. "Cover your fuckin' face..."

"Cursing in front of a school official, using said official as a landing pad, and breaking school property. You realize that is against the _ruuurrruuus_, yes?"

The way the voice said 'rules' was oddly endearing to Warmer, and he opened one eye to see who it belonged to, namely the girl on top of him. Light blue hair, tied into a ponytail, red skin (_Finally, someone else who has a messed up skin tone!_), and a tan uniform laid on top of him suggestively. The bad part?

She was mad, bros.

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><p>I apologize if the use of 'mad, bros' was offensive and taken as racist. :3<p>

Hope you enjoyed. Read and review, or no third chapter's coming up!


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